facing it.

have you ever experience watching a movie and visualizing yourself as part of the movie? it's a comforting feeling especially if you can relate yourself well with the character. because in movies there's an ending that gives the answer, the solution. and for once it get us thinking that we might as well apply that same solution to our problems. use that same answer to the questions arise.

but movies are movies and it ain't the same with reality. in movies everything seemed wonderful. problems have solutions. everything could be fix. pain could be heal. and when we're lonely, there's always someone to accompany us. a friend who would lend their ears to lighten our burden. to share our sorrows and be there for us no matter what.

reality's not like that. its not cruel. but its not as wonderful as it seems in movies. in reality, some problems remain unsolved. not everything could be fix. some questions does not have answers and remain as mystery. loneliness? its a common thing experience by almost everyone. and friend. well yeah, we have friends in reality but its just not the same. one thing go wrong and poof! we're no longer friends. at least things will not ever be the same.

different people follows different path. and in that long journey, we'll lost some friends. and if they're not good enough, we'll lost them for good. and we will have to continue our path alone. and that was the time where the journey will become even longer than it should. loneliness will become our best friend. life will be so gloomy. there's no rainbows in our heart. everyday is like a forced routine we have to follow. and we will forget how to enjoy and appreciate life to the fullest.

thinking about the dark days that will come, fears me a lot. I'm not the kind of person that could live alone. maybe I'm independent. but i need someone by my side. to hold my hand and said, "its ok, you still have me" when im having a rough time and it feels like my world is going to end. when i lost everything else.

but at this point, i don't think i have that person. i don't think there's anybody who could be everything to me. friends, boyfriend, families. hurm. everybody have their own path. and its different from mine. and i know, soon enough i'll lost them all. even now, i started to feel their 'absence'. feel so lonely in this big world, and having to face everything alone.

i hope i will be able to face the fact soon. the fact that im on my own. the fact that people come and go. they don't stay.or maybe they stay, but not for long. because one of those days, ill drown and if i live with the thought that there'll be someone come saving me, ill be dead.