never been replaced.

someone told me, she cried upon reading my latest post. it touches her a lot that she couldnt bring herself to read it until the end. she also told me, that she's happy that i finally found my happy place. but i left out one fact. one true fact that i always kept only to myself because thinking about it hurts me a lot. what more if i say it out loud.

in this journey of so called hunting happiness, i gained new love.he's been doing great in healing my wounds. he draws smile on my face. thanks dear. i was surrounded by friends that always accept me despite my attitude. and i love them for that. but i lost a buddy, a sister. my so called 'person'.

that person was someone i used to always depend on. the reason im being snobbish sometimes because i knew, no matter what, she'll have my back. sometimes it seemed like we could not stand each other but the fact is, we need each  other, without one we're nothing.

we're different but we're actually ONE. we're being ridiculous when we're together. we're being in too much drama everyday. but somehow having her is so comforting. i never had someone like her, its really a new experience for me.

but contrast dont always work out well. same goes to us. in the phase where my life really turns around, i lost her. it hurts a lot dealing with the event which totally changes my life, dealing it without her makes it a perfect hell.

but time passes by. everything changes. we're good now. im always saying that im happy with the way things are now. im lying. yes im surrounded by friends. but i lost someone who always have my back. who always there for me be it im in the wrong sides, and for person like me, im always at the wrong sides.

she seemed happy from a far. im glad and happy she found her new 'person'. but secretly, im jealous coz i used to be that 'person'. ive been replaced, and sadly, by someone much better. so much better that it mould her to be a mature person unlike when she's with me.

izzati always make fun about other person being my besties. its the routine jokes she love to crack on me. but with a serious tone, and seriuos face ill answer, 'kawan baik aku sorang je zati, walaupun mungkin dia dah tak anggap aku lagi.."

dear friend, we both watch how comforting brooke and peyton are. how dramatic serena and blaire are. we somehow loves to pretend being them. but truth is, they arent real. and what's real was us, and what we had. this writing might reveal what's inside all along. but i wont regret it.

wishing you all the happiness in this world. because in my heart, you are still and will always be my besty.